CAN’T WE JUST STAY IN BED?
Are you going to fold the laundry for me?
Are my work shirts back from the cleaners?
How late will you be home after work tonight?
Can you print out my resume for me while I shower?
What time is your interview?
Why is it my turn to drive the kids?
Are they expecting you to work this weekend?
Is your sister pregnant again?
Why can’t you learn to put the toilet seat down?
What’s in an omelet?
Is an omelet like a scrambled eggs over easy?
Can I have cereal or waffles instead?
Why is there an empty syrup in the fridge?
Can you get another package of sandwich bags from the cupboard?
Why can’t we have juice boxes?
Can you cut off the crust on my sandwich?
What did Ms. Place tell you to bring for show and tell?
Where’s your French homework?
Did you brush your teeth?
Can you stop teasing your brother?
Can you get in the car?
Will you referee our game this weekend?
How much wrapping paper do you need to sell? Does your mother know?
What about my dance recital?
Which lane is for dropping off students?
Is Betty making cookies for the fundraiser?
Can I get $50 on pump 3?
Do you have something smaller than a $100?
Can I get a “Big Winner!” scratcher and a PowerBall quick pick?
Can I take your drink order?
Do I have enough points for a free venti mocha?
How was your weekend?
Whose car is that in Dillon’s parking space? Did you have a nice birthday?
Do you want a slice of cake?
Did you hear about the audit team getting stuck in Cleveland?
Shouldn’t you get to your desk?
How can I help you?
Why are all these gadgets so complicated?
What does your screen look like? Have you tried rebooting your DVR?
What’s an HDMI cord?
Can you please hold while I transfer you through to our advanced technical team?
Are we there yet?
Did you spill your goldfish crackers?
Is it going to hurt? Will I get a lollipop?
Where’s your mask? Can blow your nose, please?
Have you had any symptoms in the last 14 days? Have you travelled to a foreign country?
How old are you?
Can I use your stethoscope?
Do you like dinosaurs?
Do I need a booster? Any appointments next Wednesday?
How are things? Have you lost weight?
Can you please stop kicking the table?
Do they have plain pasta?
Does green tea have caffeine?
Does rice have gluten?
Can I get the dressing on the side?
Have you ever tried yoga?
Is Mercury in retrograde? Where are my chakras?
Does this make me look fat?
Are there more dresses in the back?
Do you have this in size 10?
Mom? Mom? Mom?
Where’s the restroom?
Cash or charge? Do you have a rewards card?
Where is 1550 Broadhurst, Building C? Do you validate parking?
How did you hear about the manager position?
What are your greatest strengths? What’s your work style?
What motivates you? What is your ideal working environment?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
When can you start?
Where do I sign?
How many ounces are in a cup?
Why do we use brown sugar instead of plain sugar?
Will you stop eating raw cookie dough?
Is the oven turned off? Will you clean up Kyle for me?
Can you believe Marvin is leaving the company?
How many service calls have you taken this morning?
How can you stand working for Allan?
Can you come in early tomorrow to cover for Larry?
Are you my mother?
Was I adopted?
Can you shut the front door?
Why do you like adult grape juice so much?
Did you clean up your room?
Who’s winning? What’s the score?
Did you bet the spread?
Should I open a tab?
Are you working on your novel?
Are you going to take the job?
Are you going to break it off with Sally?
Where’s the men’s room? Do I look drunk?
When did Harry meet Sally?
Isn’t she lovely?
Is she really going out with him?
Should I stay or should I go now? What would you do if you were me?
When can you take me away from it all?
Are there always so many people at Rafaello’s on Tuesday night?
What time is sunset?
How many years have you known each other?
How was traffic?
What’s good here?
Are you ready for dessert at my place?
Would you like to see our wine menu? Sparkling or still water?
Why do you think I’m busy?
Can’t you find any time for me this weekend?
Are you interested in hearing our specials this evening? How would you like your steak?
What? Don’t you love me anymore?
Why can’t you just let it go?
Does she know about us? Do you really want to hurt me?
How will I know? How deep is your love?
How deep is the ocean? How high is the sky?
Who is this? Who’s there?
(Breathing?)
Why are you calling?
(Silence?)
Who’s there?
What’s for dinner?
Where have you been?
What time is it? Am I late?
Is there something you’re not telling me?
Didn’t I tell you not to worry?
How much are they offering you?
Can I get out of my work clothes before we talk more?
Will you get them to bed?
Can dogs eat grapes?
Why is the sky blue?
How many stars are there?
Are unicorns real?
Is Pluto a planet?
Can I stay up late on Friday?
Is the Internet down?
Can you talk?
Will you stop texting me?
Where’s our tax refund?
What’s on TV?
Do you love me?
Why?
Do you?
How can I be a better person?
How much time do you have? Can you put out the trash at least?
Can’t we just stay in bed?
ROBERT WALIKIS is a writer, playwright, poet, and songwriter. His short story “Peak Child” was a semifinalist for the North American Review’s 2022 Kurt Vonnegut Prize in Speculative Literature. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in Grist Journal, Barzakh, Literary North, and elsewhere.
Rob graduated from Cornell University and lives in Irvine, California with his wife-partner-writer Diana Mullins. He makes maps and tells stories. Read more at www.robertwalikis.com.
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